Beware of Relational Deception

Would any of us willfully be deceived? Of course not!

But we do this…

We ignore red flags in relationships with people we trust–convinced that they are trustworthy and the same people we believe them to be. But when we choose to ignore red flags or “irregularities” that should raise a question, we are willfully allowing deception. For example…
 
A few years ago I experienced a deep betrayal by someone I completely trusted. We had spent hours talking. They had been over for family functions. It was a close relationship.

And then small red flags popped up—which I noticed…

 But because I trusted the individual–I realize now I ignored them.

I should have immediately begun to dig into those red flags. Had it been anyone else, I would have!

The few questions I asked them were always explained away as if it was no big deal. And because I trusted them, I left it at that.

To my own detriment.

The Holy Spirit was giving warnings, but I didn’t  realize it–because of relationship. I thought I knew this person. I trusted them.

When I asked about the areas in question, they always had a quick answer to put my heart at rest. And I believed them.

I couldn’t imagine they would lie to my face. But they did.

It was all deception. And worse…I missed it for a long time.
 
Relationship often skews our discernment and creates willful deception. Worse, when we see irregularities that go against what we believe about the individual, without realizing it we begin to create excuses for their behavior because we can’t imagine they would intentionally do something wrong.

Our relationship, what we believe we know about the person, or what we have been told about them, can block our discernment.

And one day that deception is going to bite us where it hurts.

These relationship blinders are everywhere–especially in regards to our religious and political leaders. People we think we know and/or have trusted. But make no mistake, when we begin to see issues popping up—no matter how small—we need to pay attention.
 
Recently I was at a meeting where an influential political leader was speaking. We will call him “Leader Smith.”

Leader Smith had made a disparaging statement against a candidate of his own  party 24 hours before an election that had cost that candidate a school board seat and ensured the opposing party won. The candidate spoken against had campaigned to get porn out of school libraries in that district and to give parents more voice.
 

What “Smith” did didn’t make sense. It was an irregularity—a red flag.

If “Leader Smith” truly supported conservative values as he claimed, then why would he have taken such a public action to derail the campaign for the candidate from his own party?
 
So I asked him publicly in the meeting.

He gave a quick response excusing himself from any wrong doing and tried to move on. But I wasn’t moving on. I politely positioned the question two other ways to which he finally responded,

“Well if I had it to do over again, I would probably do it differently.”

Probably? That was another red flag.

SEE ALSO: Who You Align With Affects Who You Become and What You See

When I continued to ask questions to get to the root, someone else stood up, obviously frustrated with my continued questions, and defended “Leader Smith” as they tried to silence me. 

Remember actions are indicators.

It made me immediately wonder why that individual popped up to defend “Smith.” Why weren’t they interested in understanding his strange behavior?

I didn’t have to wonder long.

Two days later Smith’s defender announced they were running for office. Now her actions made sense. She was willing to ignore what he did (willful deception) because she wanted his endorsement.

She wasn’t willing to consider that his actions were red flags—as now were hers.

When I shared what transpired with yet another friend who knew Leader Smith, she immediately rose to his defense. “Oh I know him well. Our families have been friends a long time (relationship). 

He wouldn’t have done that intentionally. He would never have caused one of our own to lose an election.
 
But he did. Clearly. And what I learned was he had been asked by someone else in political office, to do what he did—which threw his own party’s candidate under the bus.

Smith’s irregular actions, which should have been huge red flags—were ignored. Why? Because of relationship.

Remember, what we believe about someone, often skews discernment.

We need to remember this in the days ahead, because the Bible warns that all of us can be deceived.
 
For false messiahs and false prophets will appear. They will do great signs and miracles. They will try to fool God’s chosen people if possible (Matt 24:24).
 

So if we all can be deceived, then what can we do to safeguard against it?

Remember, the nature of deception is we don’t recognize it when it is operating in us. And if we think we can’t be deceived–we already have been.
 
There is not only relational deception but also deception that subtly enters from two other doors.

It’s how we become “Infected.”

To read chapter 1 free .

We must stay vigilant to avoid deception and close any doors we have unknowingly opened to it.

 PRAYER:
Lord, we pray that You would keep us from the foot of pride. Reveal to us if deception has gained any entry into our lives and blinded us to truth. Give us eyes to see and ears to hear. May our discernment not be clouded, but help us to pay attention to Holy Spirit warnings!